BLTC Press Titles

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Letters on the Aesthetical Education of Man

Friedrich Schiller

The Picture of Dorian Gray

Oscar Wilde

Esoteric Buddhism

A. P. Sinnett

Further Adventures of an Irish R. M.

Edith Somerville and Martin Ross

A young girl's diary

by Eden Paul


June 1st. We've had such an experience to-day! It's awful; it's quite true then that one takes off every stitch when one is madly fond of anyone. I never really believed it, and I'm sure Dora did not, although Mad. hinted it to her; but it's true. We've seen it with our own eyes. I was just sitting and reading Storm's The Rider of the Grey Horse and Dora was arranging some writing paper to take to Franzensbad when Resi came and said: Fraulein Dora, please come here a moment, I want you to look at something! From the tone of her voice I saw there was something up so I went too. At first Resi would not say what it was but Dora was generous and said: "It's all right, you can say everything before her." Then we went into Resi's room and from behind the curtain peeped into the mezzanin. A young married couple live there!!! At least Resi says people say they are not really married, but simply live together! 1!! And what we saw was awful. She was absolutely naked lying in bed without any of the clothes on, and he was kneeling by the bedside quite n— too, and he kissed her all over, everywhere!!! Dora said afterwards it made her feel quite sick. And then he stood up — no, I can't write it, it's too awful, I shall never forget it. So that's the way of it, it's simply frightful. I could never have believed it. Dora went as white as a sheet and trembled so that Resi was terribly frightened. I nearly cried with horror, and yet I could not help laughing too. I was really afraid he would stifle her because he's so big and she's so small. And Resi says he is certainly much too big for her, and that he nearly tears her. I don't know why he should tear her but certainly he might have crushed her. Dora was so terrified she had to sit down and Resi hurried to get her a glass of water, because she believed she was going to faint. I had not imagined it was anything like that, and Dora certainly had not either. Or she would never have trembled so. Still I really don't see why she should tremble like that. There is no reason to be frightened, one simply need not marry, and then one need never strip off every stitch, and oh dear, poor Mademoiselle who is so small and the lieutenant is very tall. But just think if anyone is as fat as Herr Richter or our landlord. Of course Herr Richter is at least SO, but last January the landlord had another little girl, so something must have happened. No, I'm sure it's best not to marry, for it is really too awful. We did not look any more for then came the worst, suddenly Dora began to be actually sick, so that she could hardly get back to our room. If she had not been able to, everything would have come out. Mother sent for the doctor directly and he said that Dora was very much overworked; that it was a good thing she was going away from Vienna in a few days. No girl ought to study, it does not pay. Then he said to me: "You don't look up to much either. What are you so holloweyed for?" "I'm so frightened about Dora," I said. "Fiddlededee," said the doctor, "that does not give anyone black rings round the eyes." So it must be true that one gets to look ill when one always has to think about such things. But how can one help it, and Hella says: It's awfully interesting to have black rings under the eyes and men like it.

We were going to make an excursion to-morrow to Kahlenberg and Hermannskogel, but probably it won't come off. Its 11 already and I'm fearfully tired from writing so much; I must go to bed. I do hope I shall be able to sleep, but

June 3rd. Father took Hella and me to Kahlenberg; we enjoyed ourselves tremendously. After dinner, when Father was reading the paper in the hotel, we went to pick flowers, and I told Hella all about what we'd seen on Friday. She was simply speechless, all the more since she had never heard what Mad. told us about taking off everything. She won't marry either, for it's too disagreeable, indeed too horrid.— The doctor said too: This perpetual learning is poisonous for young girls in the years of development. If he only knew what we had seen. Hella is frightfully annoyed that she was not there. She can be jolly glad, I don't want to see it a second time, and I shall never forget it all my life long; what I saw at the front door was nothing to this. Then Hella went on making jokes and said: "I say, just think if it had been Viktor." "Oh, do shut up," I screamed, and Father thought we were quarrelling and called out: "You two seem to be having a dispute in the grand style." If he'd only known what we were talking about!!! Oswald has been home since Friday evening; he did not arrive till Yi past 10. But he did not come on the excursion with us yesterday, although Father would have liked him to; he said he would find it much too dull to spend the day with two "flappers;" that means that we're not grown up enough for him and is a piece of infernal cheek especially as regards Hella. She says she will simply ignore him in future. Since I am his sister I can't very well do that, but I shan't fetch and carry for him as he would like me to. He's no right to insult even his sister.

Dora has just said to me: It's horrible that one

has to endure that (you know what! II )

when one is married. Resi had told her about those two before, and that only the Jews do it just like that. She said that other people did not strip quite naked and that perhaps it's different in some other

ways! 1 But Mad. implied that it was just

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